Monday, 24 June 2013

Do you bring old wounds to a new relationship? Here's how you can love with a full heart:

I grew up in an abusive home, and looking back I can say that at more than one point every relationship in our household was toxic with the other. It wasn't even until up to two years ago (after my Dad's brain surgery) that I was convinced my parents liked each other.

I didn’t really know what love was. I didn't know what it looked like or sounded like. I didn't know how to express it or accept it. These weights I carried in my heart impacted every single one of my relationships, in one way or another (and they probably always will) but it has not been until recently that I have felt really open to love.

I want to share with you my journey and how I got to this place.

These are some important milestones that helped me learn how to love with a full heart:

Forgive Others
Forgive others for anything they’ve done to hurt you - including your parents, siblings, extended family, old friends and new. Try to remember that they are people too and they went through their own struggles that have made them who they are. This doesn’t mean its ok for people to hurt you, it just means you have to move on and remind yourself that at one point, they didn’t know any other way.

Stop Blaming Others for Your Behavior
No one “made” you act the way you do - not even your parents. You are the way you are, simply because you are YOU. And if you don’t like it, then change it. You have to take responsibility for who you are.

Be Willing to Change
I’m not suggesting you have to change your fundamental values or who you are as person, or pick up new hobbies and lie about what type of music you like to learn how to love. What I’m saying is that people grow and change and you have to be willing to accept that of yourself and in others. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or not good enough just the way you are, but you have to have personal goals, too. Be willing to challenge yourself. It’s likely that your partner will change in their own way, too. You can work towards being a better version of yourself if you are willing to embrace change.

Accept Someone for Who They Are - Not Who You Want Them To Be
No one is perfect, and everyone is going to bring learned behaviours or emotional road blocks to the table. You have to focus on the positives and appreciate everything a person has to offer. Any challenges you might face with another person is a learning opportunity for you. You just may not know at the time exactly what opportunity that is, but just be patient. Youèll figure it out.

Love Yourself First
I know, it sounds so cliché - but it’s true. Stop trying to get the perfect body, and aim to be perfectly healthy. Take care of yourself by being active, eating healthy and managing stress. Say nice things to yourself and know that you are worthy of love - real love. The ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Love Unconditionally
Always. No matter what. This is something you will never regret. It’s harder than it sounds, but it’s just something you have to do.