Monday, 1 July 2013

Wishing a True Friend the Very Best

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to someone whose said when they look back at their wedding pictures, they can hardly remember their bridesmaid’s name, and that they’ve lost touch. At one point in their lives they were like sisters, and now they don’t even have each other’s phone number.  

It always makes me a little sad to hear that, but in fact, I now may be one of those bridesmaids.

Photo retrieved from
Let me clarify that being a bridesmaid is not something I take lightly. I put more effort into those friendships knowing that I was honoured to stand up for them, put faith in their marriage, and will support their relationship until the very end. I think being a bridesmaid is a privilege and something very special.

That being said, it never ceases to amaze me how many friendships come and go throughout a person’s life. None of them are less or more important than others; I believe they all provide value and serve a unique purpose, but what I’ve struggled with is understanding how a person knows who their life-long friends will be.

I do not want to be one of those people who look back at their wedding photos and can’t remember when the last time was that I talked to my bridesmaid, and that I don’t even know how to get in touch with them.

 ...ok, maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself here. No, I’m not engaged or planning a wedding. The main reason why I am questioning friendships, true friendships and their longevity, is because I’ve recently lost touch with one of my nearest and dearest friends who I was a bridesmaid for last summer. I guess it wasn’t as recent as it has been slow and painful, but nonetheless, changes are happening and we are definitely disconnected.

Besties is what we used to call each other. We’ve known each other since we were five, and have been the closest of friends for at least the past 10 years. But as of late, she calls someone else her Bestie, and like an Ex, I feel a tang of jealously and broken hearted every time I read it on Facebook. I immediately think of how I used to be her Bestie and I never thought we would ever be anything but that.

I realize now it is naive to think like that.

I’ve had to come to accept that friendships grow, just as people and lifestyles do. Just because my friendship with my Bestie is not the same, and never will be, it doesn’t make her any less of a true friend. She really was, through all of the years we had together, the best friend I’ve ever had.

She helped me through significant times in my life which I value very much and played an important role in the development of who I am as a person. She and I laughed together countless times until our bellies hurt and had many adventures that took us places I never thought I would experience. I feel very fortunate to have had the years we did together and the memories we made.

Today, I’ve had to accept that I don’t need to understand why we are where we are now; maybe one day I will understand, but until then, I have to trust that this is all happening the way it is supposed to.

In the meantime, I am lucky to have many other great friends. The moments that I find myself dwelling on the loss of my Bestie, I have to remind myself of all the good people I have in my life and focus on them, and be grateful for the relationships I have.

Trust me when I say I do not write this with a careless heart  – phone calls, conversations, and efforts have been made to keep this relationship alive. Maybe someday we will reconnect and be as close as ever, but maybe we won’t. And I have to be ok with that. It doesn’t make anyone a bad person, it just makes things different.

As mentioned, from what I hear, this is not the first time a maid has lost touch with a bride, and like any other loss, I need to let my heart heel and be positive about it. As for choosing my own maids someday, I guess I’ll have to trust my heart and make those decisions when the time comes.